Are You Well Traveled?

The prestigious Travel List Challenge. Have you seen it? Done it? The tag line barks “Are you well traveled? Prove it!”

Challenge participants simply indicate which places they have been on the list of 100 power spots. Once you’ve completed the test (wipe brow, crack knuckles and sigh with relief here), you can compare and share your results. 426,976 Facebookers “like” this, so, clearly, in Martha-speak “it’s a good thing.”

Margarita Island, Venezuela

Apparently the “average user” hits 23 matches on the list that scatters the latitudes and longitudes from Big Ben to Bora Bora. But Teotihuacan, Mexico? Kiyomizu-Deru, Japan? Varanasi, Uttar Pradesh, India? I had to Google each one, which is also a good thing.

I discovered the Travel List Challenge when my Nashville pal Heidi posted her results a few weeks ago via Facebook and clocked in with an impressive 37 out of 100 (which earned her a shiny bronze out of my travel-centric friends). I’ve seen her expired passport books, and they unfold like the rest of my life’s dream trip itinerary. She has earned some bonus points for her travel as a videographer with World Vision, but her other destinations have been pure pleasure, not biz.

My own sister punched in a score of 15 (I’m sure she cheated somewhere during the ‘test’). Melinda Merkle of Memphis took silver with a proud 42 (despite her homing instinct for the beaches of Destin, Florida). Rachel Croft, ironically living la vida loca in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, who I met at a bar in Toronto one random night with my friend Michelle (on shore leave from Nunavut), took gold at the podium with a sweeping 47.

My score was a pissy 11 out of 100, which was reminiscent of my grade 11 math test scores (on one particularly stellar geometry test I almost had 11, but I was docked a mark for doing the test in red pen).

Cantina Loredo, The Gulch, Nashville

My consolation came in the form of learning that the editor and lead faculty of the travel writing program at Matador U, Julie Schwietert Callazo, scored 23. She and her husband created an iPhone travel app for crying out loud! She’s written for National Geographic Traveler! I can come to terms with my mark of 11 if Julie only scored 23. And when I say “only” we both know that 23 checkmarks on 23 places is no easy feat. There was probably diarrhea involved, a flat tire, an overpriced airline ticket, corrupt police, a delayed flight, bed bugs, stolen sunglasses, a busted flip flop and an ATM with no money in it.

(And, to not be such a sore loser, much praise to Laura Koepnick (37), PJ Moore (35), and Mark Picketts (28). It’s with pure green envy and applause that I type this.)

BUT. This Challenge forced me to consider all the places I’ve been and long to visit. When I re-examined the Travel List Challenge it was very Euro-centric, and our mighty Canada made brief appearances. The only additional places I would pro-actively go to would be Victoria Falls, Easter Island, Ngorongoro Crater, Glow Worm Cave (NZ), Death Valley, Redwood National Park and Bora Bora. So, really, I would only ever score 18 on my own travel accord.

Congo kids hamming it up

Which leads me to this. Here is my redesigned perfect 100. Of course, it’s not for the faint of heart, or faint of stomach. But, if I were to customize a list of places that I thought every responsible human being should see, feel and do, this would be it. And this is what the true challenge is, isolating our desires and meshing them with those of our partner, friends and family.

My parents are surprisingly symbiotic despite very diverse pulls: my mother’s perfect itinerary would include a road trip stuffed with antiquing, used bookstores, cemetery visits and a nice pint after looking for long lost relatives names on headstones. My dad would prefer a ballpark tour, a round of golf and a $2 hotdog with maybe a soft serve cone to follow.

My brother is an aquarium, museum fiend and whiskey hound who would bitch at the thought of my sister’s ideal day, climbing some peak in Nepal with dried fruit and 10 gallons of water. I know my friend Kelly would choose a week in Nashville, her days rammed with Titans games, deep fried pickles and pulled pork nachos, foot massages and karaoke.

Bwindi Impenetrable National Park, Uganda

I naturally lean towards extreme landscapes and fauna over architecture, but this makes for a beautifully balanced relationship where I get to experience my partner’s top 100 places too. While I suggest jungles, deserts and birding hotspots, she will counter with ruins, walled cities, hidden pubs and historical landmarks that I might have bypassed. And, better yet, now I’ll have 200 places to visit! We have a solid agreement to not scuba dive, cruise, visit China, India, Cuba (again), Vegas or Disneyland. We’re a perfect match–let’s see how you match up below!

1. a night at The Ice Hotel, Quebec City

2. Camping overnight at the very active Arenal Volcano, Costa Rica

3. Gorilla trekking at Bwindi Impenetrable Park, Uganda

4. Cobh, Ireland: where the Titanic last set sail from the White Star Line pier

5. Bolivian Salt Flats

6. Jig-fishing on the Atlantic, Charlottetown, PEI. After a tough day fishing, reclining on the red brick sands of Cabot Beach.

7. Newfoundland—a tour of the most absurdly named places: Come-By-Chance, Dildo, Pothead, Blow Me Down, Heart’s Desire, Heart’s Content, Nick’s Nose, Conception Bay, Cupids, Witless Bay and Cow Head for puffin-sighting and screech

8. Roslyn, Washington: where Northern Exposure was filmed. Roslyn was the guise for “Cicely, Alaska.”

9. Microbrew tour of Portland, Oregon: Green Dragon, Full Sail, Lucky Labrador, Mia & Pia’s, Rock Bottom, Big Horse and Vertigo Brewing among others http://oregonbeer.org/mapport2006.html

10. Sheikh Zayed International Camel Endurance Race, Queensland, Australia

11. Red Bull Crashed Ice World Championship somewhere authentically cold like Finland or Sweden

12. The Treehotel, Sweden. Instant resurrection of childhood awe & magic: http://www.treehotel.se/

13. Free Spirit Spheres—sleep in an orb suspended in a tree! Qualicum Bay, Vancouver Island, BC. http://www.freespiritspheres.com/

14. Camp in Masai Mara National Park with local residents: lions and elephants

Sunrise in the White Desert, Egypt

15. High tea at the Fairmont Empress Resort, Victoria, BC

16. Sleep under the stars and catch a killer sunrise in the White Desert, Egypt

17. Sleep in a 13th century Shali fortress, Siwa Oasis, Egypt

18. See the epic 9,000km Dakar Rally finish line

19. Iditarod Great Sled Race, finish line—Nome, Alaska

20. Just done cinnamon buns & caffeine at the Gumboot Restaurant & Cafe, Roberts Creek, Sunshine Coast, BC

21. Hayward Lake Reservoir Trail (preferably with wet dogs in tow), BC

22. Harrison Hot Springs Sand Sculpture Competition, BC

23. Marathon Du Medoc, France. 42 km, 23 wine-drinking stations en route and foie gras, oyster and entrecote steak food stops. http://www.runnersworld.co.uk/event-editorial/marathon-du-medoc-a-marathon-drinking-session/3716.html

Blue Footed Booby, Galapagos

24. Training your binoculars on blue-footed boobies in the Galapagos Islands

25. Bartolome Island, Galapagos. Described by Neil Armstrong as the closest landscape to the moon, on earth.

26. Snowy snowshoe to Boom Lake, just outside Banff, Alberta. Addition: hot toddies and a night at the Storm Mountain Lodge.

27.Wreck Beach, Vancouver, BC. Nudists, tequila shots, empanadas, moose burgers and banana muffins. True travel challenge: making it back up the stairs of the 200 foot cliff.

28. Grouse Grind, aka “Mother Nature’s Stairmaster,” Vancouver, BC—2.9 km trail up the face of Grouse Mountain, 853m elevation gain, 2,830 stairs.

29. A night at the Gladstone Hotel in the so-hip-it-hurts bleeding arts section of Queen West, Toronto. Mac n’cheese at the Drake down the street.

30. Arrington Vineyards, Nashville, Tennessee. Buy a bottle of syrah and out-do the picnic spread of your neighbours on the idyllic vineyard property. Best: sunset, tree swing, fire lit. http://www.arringtonvineyards.com/

31. Media Luna Resort, Half Moon Bay, Roatan, Honduras. All-inclusive, posh cabanas, sunsets that paint the sky burnt orange and cotton candy pink.

32. Haida Gwaii, BC

33. Gately Inn on the Nile, Jinja, Uganda (plus pancakes with crushed peanuts and honey in the morn)

Gately Inn on the Nile, Jinja, Uganda

34. Angel Falls, Canaima National Park, Venezuela

35. Piranha fishing, Orinoco River, Venezuela

36.Bicycle built for two, across the Golden Gate Bridge, San Francisco, California

37. Finger Lakes, NY by day, fireside with s’mores at Watkins Glen or Leitchworth State Park by night

38. Sundance Film Festival, Park City,  Utah

39. Picnic in Vondelpark, Amsterdam with warm Heineken, blank postcards, girlfriend

40. Polar Bear Dip, Lake Ontario

41. Pride weekend, Reykjavik, Iceland

42. Wildebeest migration by hot air balloon, Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania

43. Visit home of Isaak Denison, author of Out of Africa, Nairobi, Kenya

Sunrise balloon ride, Luxor, Egypt

44. Hot air balloon over Valley of the Kings, Luxor, Egypt (preferably without diarrhea)

45. Kiss the Blarney Stone! Blarney Castle, Ireland

46. Rent a beach hut on car-free and carefree Caye Caulker, Belize

47. See the painted dogs of Zimbabwe

48. The Art Gallery of Nova Scotia to see folk artist Maud Lewis’ tiny & quirky 13 x 12 foot cottage on permanent display

49. Emily Carr House, Victoria, BC. A provincial historic site dedicated to an iconic writer and artist.

50. Easter Island

51. Medium-fat, house-smoked brisket at Schwartz’s deli, Montreal, Quebec

52. L’Oncle Antoine stone cave cellar bar in Quebec City. One of the city’s oldest surviving houses (1754). Order the Dieu de Ciel Route de Epices (peppercorn beer) and steamer dog.

53. Skate the Rideau Canal (Ottawa, Ontario) with a flask and a maple syrup-dripping Beaver Tail to Dows Lake (7.8 km or, 90 Olympic hockey rinks long!).

54. Yukon Territory for the aurora borealis gone wild

55. South Georgia, Crozet and Kerguelen Islands to see the comical macaroni penguins

56.Hanlan’s Point, Toronto Island with gossipy mags, beer and sandwiches on ice

57. St. Paddy’s Day in Savannah, Georgia. You ain’t seen nothing like it. And you won’t remember 80% of it. Go back for the plantation homes and old man’s beard moss.

58. The limestone pinnacles and lemur habitat of Tsingy de Bemahara National Park ( Tsingy means “where one cannot walk barefoot” in Malagasy) in western Madagascar.

59. Mammoth Cave National Park, Kentucky

60. The surreal hexagonal basalt columns of Giant’s Causeway, northern Ireland (Bushmills Distillery en route)

61. Whale watching, Kennebunkport, Maine

62. Wine tour of Prince Edward County, Ontario. Restoration of soul easily found at the Waring House Inn with a jacuzzi, Karlo Estates merlot and a wedge of something great from the Black River Cheese Company.

Karlo Estates, Prince Edward County

63. Ice fishing somewhere genuinely North & genuinely teeth-chatteringly cold like Jumping Caribou Lake, Limberlost or Magog Lake, Ontario.

64. RCMP graduation in Regina, Saskatchewan in January when it’s -58, just to feel Canadiana at its best

65. Nunavut, to see the place that has shaped Michelle’s heart like it was mere wet clay. And, to see where the caribou and arctic char jerky she has supplied me with has been sourced from.

66. See the pyramids and Sphinx by camel, Cairo, Egypt

67. Grizzly Paw beer in the Lakeview Lounge of the Fairmont Lake Louise Hotel, Alberta, watching the pink-cheeked skaters whirling about outside the Palladian windows.

68. $30 cup of Doi Chaang Coffee at the Bean Brothers Cafe in Kerrisdale, Vancouver (the famous wild civet shit/shat coffee beans) after a butterscotch root beer and $100 cognac-infused hot dog at Dougie Dogs on Granville.

69. Haggis in Scotland! After combing the powder white sand beaches and secret coves of the Hebrides.

70. Fried grasshoppers & termites at the Tuesday night market in Entebbe, Uganda with a 500ml Bell beer, all for less than $3.

Breakfast of grasshoppers

71. Murchison Falls, Uganda boat safari to the falls. Hippos, crocodiles, chocolate-backed kingfishers and elephants, oh my! Boat trip in Queen Elizabeth National Park close second.

72. Bay of Fundy, New Brunswick

73. Inuvik, Yellowknife: Summer Solstice Madness Marathon. Run in the midnight sun!

74. Bora Bora, French Polynesia for totally obvious reasons

75. Grand Canyon, Arizona

76. International Pow Wow, Albuquerque, New Mexico

77. Soupy tromp through Monteverde Cloud Forest, Costa Rica and addition: a week volunteering at the Aviarios del Caribe Sloth Sanctuary

78. All 280 km of the winding Grand River, from Elora to Lake Erie by canoe, Ontario

79. Conch fritters at the Soggy Dollar Bar and guava rum punch at Ivan’s Stress Free Bar on Jost Van Dyke Island, British Virgin Islands

80. Bracken Bat Cave, near San Antonio Texas. Home of the world’s largest bat colony.

81. Thunderstorm on Lake Victoria, Uganda with three dogs and two cats stuffed into your mosquito net.

82. Northern Ethiopia

83. Papua, New Guinea: the birds, oh, the birds.

84. Cabo Sao Vicente (Cape St. Vincent), Western Algarve, Portugal

85. Cinque Terre, Italy, because of this picture alone, although it may never appear like this again.  http://www.trekearth.com/gallery/Europe/Italy/Liguria/La_Spezia/Cinque_Terre/photo705929.htm In October 2011, Vernazza was wiped out and evacuated due to torrential rains that triggered over a hundred mudslides and massive flooding.

After the Brazil vs. Holland World Cup match

86. Amsterdam during World Cup Soccer Finals, pit stop at the Bulldog Cafe

87. Cougar’s Crag dog-friendly B&B in Sooke, Vancouver Island, BC after a sloppy walk along misty French Beach.

88. Jigokundani Valley in Nagano Prefecture, Japan, to see the Japanese snow monkeys in the hot springs

89. Botswana, Africa

90. Back to Lubumbashi, Congo to see how the young chimps have grown into handsome adults at J.A.C.K. sanctuary where I volunteered in 2009

91. Burning Man Festival, Black Rock Desert, Nevada

92. Volunteer for a week scrubbing elephants in the river at the Elephant Nature Park, Chiang Mai, Thailand

93. Two nights at the Samboja Lodge in Samboja Lestari, Borneo, Indonesia to see the orangutans

94. Ko Phi Phi Leh, Maya Bay on Thailand’s east coast where The Beach was filmed

J.A.C.K. Sanctuary, Lubumbashi, Congo

95. Bryce Canyon National Park, Utah

96. Petra, Jordan—a night at the Feynan Eco Lodge where “jift” (Arabic term for waste from olive pressing) or olive pit charcoal is used as a heat source during the 60-90 cooler “winter” nights

97. Pancake Rocks and Blowholes, Punakaiki, New Zealand

98. Anna Creek Sheep Station, Southern Australia. This place is so remote that children attend “School of the Air” broadcast from the Royal Flying Doctor Service via shortwave radio since 1951. Now students “attend” class via one-way live video feeds. The sheep stations are so massive that the nearest neighbour is sometimes being hundreds of kilometers away.

99. Sinop Harbour, Black Sea coast, Turkey

100. Barbados. Average temperature 26 degrees Celsius. 8.3 hours of sunshine per day, 3,028 hours per year.

How did you score on my customized Challenge? (I score much, much higher on my own rigged tests).

More importantly–where have you been? Where do you want to go? What’s your Top 100 places of gravitational pull?

Here’s the original Travel List Challenge: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Travel-List-Challenge/232751413466599

The Best Places I Slept This Year

Overheard conversations went something like this:

“It’s snowing, INSIDE our room!”

“Do you want to have the camel stew in our room, or on the terrace?”

“What if we put the roasted marshmallows between the peanut butter granola bars?”

 

The best hotels we slept in this year were as opposite as the temperatures and the landscapes we were in. From slipping into the sausage-casing-like sub-zero sleeping bags at the Hotel de Glace (Ice Hotel) in Quebec (indoor temp: -3 degrees Celsius) to feeling like we were in a rotisserie in the Siwa Oasis, Egypt (average daytime temperature in the desert? 46 degrees Celsius.)

Easily swinging between five star, no stars and shooting stars at our campsite on the shores of Lake Erie, these were the best sleeps we had this year.

 

Hotel de Glace, Quebec

How to build an ice hotel from scratch? Begin with 15,000 tons of snow and 500 tons of ice. Just 10 minutes from Quebec’s city centre, the Ice Hotel is like sleeping in a child’s dream. Each room features elaborate carvings and furniture sculpted from ice in the style of Dr. Seuss meets Edward Scissorhands.

After prowling around all 36 rooms (guests and the public are allowed to have a sneak peek during the day), choosing the premium suite with the fireplace was a brilliant move. The cheapest rooms are generic and budget-looking with no wall carvings or mood lighting. They look like amateur attempts at igloo building. Like ice hostels. For the extra dollars (really, how many times are you going to sleep in an ice hotel anyway?) go big.  If you want to go even bigger, there’s a premium deluxe theme suite with its own private hot tub. Now that’s red carpet. Bigger yet? Get married in the Ice Hotel’s wedding chapel–you’ll be guaranteed to have cold feet for sure.

The famed Ice Bar (one of two bars in the hotel) serves up Caribou (mulled red wine or port with whiskey and maple syrup) in a square glass fancily chiselled out of ice. This winter, the cavernous bar was transformed into a frozen underwater sanctuary with life-size whales, sharks and beady-eyed fish lurking overhead. The biodiversity theme stretched into the suites with elaborate feathers and frogs etched deep into the ice walls. Ambient uplighting and ice chandeliers added unexpected warmth to the frigid frontier. As though you were walking through the middle of fallen aurora borealis.

I thought we might perish in the night due to hypothermia, but, staying submerged in the “Nordic Relaxation Area” of steaming outdoor hot tubs and a sauna that looked like a giant whiskey barrel was a savvy survival tactic. The Celsius Pavilion also offered a warmer clime to regain feeling in numb feet, and to cradle wine without mitts by the fire.

And yes, the bed is made of ice! Buried in furs and hides and thermal sleeping bags with a real fire at the foot of your bed, you’ll barely take notice. Maybe, in the morning, when snow is gently falling inside the room through the small fireplace flue opening, you will remember that you’re sleeping in an igloo.

For the anxious:  When you book a night at the Hotel de Glace, you also have full access to a room at the Sheraton Four Points (a 10 minute shuttle from the Ice Hotel).  Guests check in at the Sheraton first as access to your room at the Ice Hotel isn’t an option until 9pm (after you have taken the strict and comical orientation of How to Survive the Night and More Importantly, How to Get Into Your Sleeping Bag).  One New York couple opted to take the 24-hour shuttle back to the Sheraton, finding the -3 temperatures a bit too disturbing. Others simply crashed out on the couches in the Celsius. Cheaters.

*The Sheraton is rather remote, so you will be forced into eating at the semi-posh hotel resto, Le Dijon, unless you order in from the slim selection of pizza & chicken wing joints or taxi into “town.” The French Onion soup is warming but not enough. And the scallops come in a shot glass with a blade of grass. Not really, but, close.

You can also place delivery orders from the Ice Hotel, and the Celsius Pavilion has a snack bar leaning more towards sugary fare and the likes of hot cocoa. Better yet, pack your own snacks and booze. And Hot Shots for your boots. And Fireball whiskey.

The 2012 theme is Northern Quebec and First Nations North. Open January 6^th—March 25^th, 2012.

Cha-ching: Room rates begin at $200/person including use of sleeping bag, welcome cocktail and breakfast at Le Dijon

http://julestorti.wordpress.com/2011/03/09/the-cold-shoulder-a-night-at-the-ice-hotel-in-quebec/

http://www.hoteldeglace-canada.com/reservation.php?action=promo

 

Al Babenshal, Siwa Oasis, Egypt

There was no need for a bell hop. We had a donkey named Ali Baba!

Our accommodations at the Al-Babenshal were suitable for the likes of William and Kate. The hotel is attached to the 13^th-century Shali fortress with traditional wooden shuttered windows and exposed palm-log supports. The light fixtures are carved from salt blocks and give the room, a true respite, a buttery glow. Now, this is romantic!

Getting there is a battle, as is leaving Siwa. By that I mean, once you find yourself in the cool wonder of the lodge, you begin re-thinking your itinerary, scheming how you might be able to stay longer. The bus from Cairo is a 10-hour nightmare, sardined into a bus that was colder than the inside of the Ice Hotel. The bus  driver stops at military check-points, for seemingly hourly mint tea and other unknown reasons.

But, back to Al Babenshal. The breakfast is one to linger over. The sour-sweet two-punch of lime juice, kicker coffee, eggs that have never arrived faster or fluffier and pita bread with fig preserves is satiating and greed-inducing.

At night, dinner is served on the terrace (daytime temps would leave Canadian skin sizzling like back bacon). We ordered the much-talked about camel stew with slight reservations, but, it seemed necessary and worldly of us.

The stew was the most sensational thing I’ve eaten. Exhausted and delirious from our midday trek into the dunes, sand sauna bath and hot spring immersion, that night on the terrace illuminated the rest of our stay in Egypt.

The Al-Babenshal staff are attentive and kindly allowed us to dominate their computer at reception to send hurried “we are alive” message back home. The room was bigger than my entire apartment with a sexy shower, a day bed, an adobe-style hearth and many vantage points to watch the slow movement of the world outside. In front of the hotel, whole chickens are roasted in old oil drums. The smell of fire and smoking chicken is intoxicating, and so was the fig moonshine we discovered.

Unfortunately the hotel doesn’t have its own web presence. It’s listed in Lonely Planet, and we were able to book it via expedia. If we were to return to Egypt? We would go directly to Siwa Oasis and spend our nights at Al Babenshal. Maybe even ask for jobs in the kitchen.

*Donkey tours of Siwa can be arranged simply by walking outside the hotel. There are several hot and cold springs nearby. Do find someone to take you to see the sunrise on the salt lakes. This image will never leave your soul.

Cha-ching: $130 US for two nights, $7 for fig moonshine

 

The Gladstone Hotel, Toronto

You don’t need to sleep in an igloo or in a hotel attached to a 13^th century desert fortress to be wowed and spoiled though. Located on the hipster haven stretch of Toronto’s Queen West, the Gladstone proved to be an indulgent spontaneous romp, just 15 minutes from my Annex apartment. It’s accessible by subway even!

Built in 1889, it’s Toronto’s oldest continuously operating hotel.  In 2005, social and urban visionary, Christina Zeidler, eager to keep the bones of the Victorian hotel intact, enlisted a wolf pack of local artists to re-design the 37 rooms.  They are a mash-up of vibrant palettes, faux-fur textures, dream sequences, nostalgia and romance.

There’s an iPod docking station, complimentary fitness facility use at 99 Sudbury, locally sourced snacks, wi-fi, cable, sleek flat screens, functioning windows, high ceilings and exposed brick. The classic rooms ($165, shower-only, no bathtub) are a tight 170 square feet (unless you top out with the suites at $375-$475 per night).

Check out the Trading Post (our spot– “rural vs. urban luxury”) and for a lark, the Teen Queen: “Think purple gingham, wild horses, crimped hair, frosted lipstick, Teen Beat posters and unicorn love.” It’s a kitschy scream.

The hotel has two green roofs, a zero plastic water bottle policy and uses 90% non-toxic cleaners. The amenities include Tic-Tac-sized soap bars that look like tiny pieces of art in themselves sourced from a local farmer in Prince Edward County. Coffee is delivered to your door in the morning at the time you request. Lazy sleep-ins are permitted, and you need only slide down the wooden banister or take the old-school hand-operated Otis elevator for a pint and live music. Huge hang-over helper breakfasts are dished out downstairs too. Or, hold out for the noon bacon & cheddar burger, as it should be.

The Gladstone Melody Bar and Ballroom is an also an attractive venue that hosts live comedy, weddings, karaoke,burlesque, indie film screenings, art exhibits and deep chats with authors.

It’s local, zany and Toronto rite of passage.

Cha-ching: $160+/night plus champagne to set the mood

http://www.gladstonehotel.com

 

Media Luna Resort and Spa, Roatan, Honduras

Sometimes throwing caution (and money) to the wind can also net you a remarkable surprise. Travellers seeking the healing powers of sea salt and fiery sunsets in Roatan, Honduras can opt for the Roatan Roulette.  If you are indecisive or generally feeling Switzerland on where to stay on the island, the roulette is a cool way to have the decision made for you. The all-inclusive properties range from 3 to 4 star: Henry Morgan Hotel and Beach Resort, Paradise Beach Club, Infinity Bay Spa & Beach Resort, Mayan Princess, Las Sirenas Hotel and Condo, or the new darling, Media Luna Resort and Spa.

When you book the roulette, you pay a set price and find out three days before departure where you’ll be setting up beach base camp.

The Media Luna property was an automatic additional $250 more than the others, and its isolation, swank cabanas and intimate feel were largely seductive. I didn’t want rum-soaked nights (rum-soaked days were okay) or the thumpa-thumpa-thumpa of ratty discos or activity-centric staff pulling me off my chaise lounge.

I wanted a long pier, grilled seafood as many times a day as possible, uninterrupted recreational reading, remotely cold beer, a killer view and a stunning room. This is exactly what I got.

I hoped for Media Luna Eco Lodge and the roulette spun in my favour.

There are 126 bungalows with private decks, sleek open concept glass showers, bidets and billowing canopy poster beds. It’s high romance and the best retreat for those who are happy to close the door on nightlife. The decks and Adirondack chairs along the beachfront property that overhang the surf are necessary mooring points.

*The resort is remote and taxis are prohibitive in cost. Rental cars are available, mostly standard—but the landscape is winding and hilly. The “beach” is not one that you’ll stroll along hand-in-hand. Roatan was famous with pirates who loved to hide their ships in its coves. The inlet at Media Luna allows for accessible and incredible snorkeling around the rocky perch, but not romantic sunset walks. Whale shark watching tours, diving, scuba lessons, snorkel equipment rental and other day trips can be arranged directly at the hotel through the Sunwing rep. Of special note: they sell postcards at the airport but no stamps.

Cha-ching: $1,411 (travel time: last week of February), $20 for beers and lobster quesadillas in the West End

http://julestorti.wordpress.com/tag/roatan/

Long Point Provincial Park, Turtle Dunes Campground, Long Point, Ontario

And, there’s something to be said for the restorative fulfillment of camping in the sand dunes on the shores of Lake Erie. Yes, I love five stars but I also love five billion stars above my head.

Firewood, a pack of wieners, a cooler of beer, some marshmallows and insect repellant have the makings of a spontaneous weekend. Far from the grinding construction and hum of the city, falling to sleep amongst tall stands of trembling aspens strips away all that clutter we carry in our working minds. Waking to chatty songbirds, reeling seagulls and climbing a dune to watch the whitecaps push in is a very spoiled way to enjoy your first cup of coffee.

Long Point is a 40km sandpit that is like a birder’s cocaine. Recognized as a biosphere reserve by United Nations, the dunes are my top camping spot—and a favoured stop-over for migratory birds as well.

There are 256 campsites (75 with electrical hook-up if that’s the way you roll). Fifty-two sites in Firefly are pull-through if you have something to pull-through, like a sleek Airstream I guess. There’s a Laundromat, park store (firewood, marshmallows, fly swatters, ice), canoe and bike rentals, and surprisingly hot showers.

I won’t divulge our Best Kept Secret location, but, you can find your own. The Ontario Parks site allows you to virtually explore the campground and specifics of the site like whether it’s shady or windy. There are also thumbnail pictures of the sites. Many of the Long Point sites closest to the beach are in the sand which makes for a sandy tent and car, but, is our favoured choice.

*Due to devastating beetle infestations, you are no longer allowed to bring in outside firewood. The park store has an ample supply but, the supply we bought was wet. We smoked out our neighbours for three hours until brilliantly trading half a bag of marshmallows for half a pre-fab sawdust fire log that helped kick-start our lame non-fire.

Further advice: Stop at the Burning Kiln Winery (http://www.burningkilnwinery.ca/) on your way through Norfolk County and buy a bottle of Strip Room. Pairing roasted marshmallows properly is a very serious thing.

Cha-ching: $26-35/night for non-electric sites, $25 for bottle of Burning Kiln wine, $25 in marshmallows, wood & wieners

https://reservations.ontarioparks.com/LongPoint/TurtleDunes?Map

 

So, where will you sleep first?

The Cold Shoulder: A Night at the Ice Hotel in Quebec

There was palpable trepidation as the date approached. I swallowed hard and could almost detect the raw beginnings of a sore throat.  Was I feverish?  The Toronto forecast predicted a high of -5 for the afternoon. Were we really going to sleep, overnight, in a room that hovered around –3 degrees?

I love everything that is associated with being uncomfortably hot, sweating, humidity and summer heat advisories. I love the beach, surf, sand and the marriage of coconut oil and salty ocean air in my nose. What were we thinking? A night at Hotel de Glace (yes, the Ice Hotel!) in Quebec in February? Voluntarily?

Kim experienced the sore throat sensation too, surely it was a psychological symptom. I couldn’t fathom anything worse than being smacked with a snivelling cold and having to sleep in an igloo overnight. I ate oregano pills like Smarties and drank gallons of orange juice on my strict cold prevention plan until I gave myself a psychological ulcer.

It had to be done. It was a joint entry on our must-do life list. Hundreds had survived before us, surely we wouldn’t perish in the night of hypothermia or bad thermal fashions.

The Inside Scoop (spoiler content below):

When you book a night at the Ice Hotel, you are also provided with a room at the Sheraton Four Points in case of a big suck-out sometime during the night. A shuttle runs between the two hotels (five minutes apart) constantly. So, we had that. And we had Fireball cinnamon whiskey. And outdoor hot tubs and a sauna to warm our blood in.

Ignoring the Air Canada flight delay that backed us up, we dropped our bags at the Sheraton and made our way out to the Ice Hotel just before sundown for a sneak preview. Guests (and the general paying public– for $16) can tour all the hotel rooms and suites until 6pm. No two rooms are alike, and the elaborate carvings are like exploring an Arctic gallery. The theme suites carry a bigger price tag, but are worthy of the upgrade. Uplighting from the beds (no, you don’t sleep on ice—there are foam mattresses and serious sub-zero North Face sleeping bags to snug-up in) create a very sensual and surreal space. This year’s theme was biodiversity, and the artists embraced this concept with giant tree frogs, palm fronds, herons, hammerhead sharks, jellyfish, gigantic bumblebees and lily pads.

Entering the Ice Hotel for the first time creates an instant, undeniable jaw-dropper-moment. And even as the minutes pass by, the sense of wonder and awe escalates. I had to keep reminding myself that I was surrounded by ice. My kid-sized self dreamed of such a dreamy escape in a very primitive “snowbank hole” (I won’t even credit myself with the term igloo. We built fox holes in snowbanks on the verge of collapse that we quickly crawled out of after overwhelming claustrophobia).

It was definitely -3 inside and despite my torso being warm, my oh-so-cool new Converse boots felt like ice sculptures on my feet in no time. Mild panic set in as I realized this was as warm as I was going to be.  Kim assured me that I just needed a drink. Our hotel stay included one free cocktail in the famous glass carved out of ice. Finally I was able to drink a lychee martini without slopping it on myself at some point. Rectangular glasses do have their merits!

I spied mulled wine and Caribou on the drink list ($9) and needed further warming.  I had read about the Caribou drink—served hot or cold, it is a blend of port, brandy, mineral water and maple syrup. The port represented the poor man’s wine of the UK, while the brandy was associated with the French. The combination is an ode to Canada’s two founding European nations, and when blended with maple syrup from Canada’s First Nations, it serves as testament to our strong union.

I felt more unified with the Caribou inside me. Kim still had her jacket open and refused a toque. I was zipped up, toqued, with Hot Shots in my palm. I asked if we could take refuge in the warming centre called Celsius.

This is the only reprieve at the Ice Hotel, and it’s open all night. They have hot chocolate and coffee, an ambient fireplace, proper toilets made out of porcelain, not ice– and hair dryers. No showers though.

We (I) thawed and soon returned to the Sheraton to re-pack for our night at the Ice Hotel, with a better sense of what to expect and dread. There are no doors on the hotel rooms (just a heavy curtain to draw closed), so you have to squish your belongings into two bags that the hotel provides and keep them in the locker area.

We piled on the layers and non-cotton longjohns. We took sips of Fireball. We ordered French onion soup and a carafe of red. And a scallop and smoked trout salad verrine that we are still joking about. The salad part was definitely lost in translation, and our thoughts of splitting it were laughable when it arrived in a shot glass with a blade of grass sticking a foot out of it. Pretty, but not practical. I had trail mix back in the room if need be.

(Note: Le Dijon at the Sheraton is basically your only option for dinner unless you order in St. Hubert’s or a pizza. There is nothing in the vicinity—walking or otherwise).

We shuttled back out to the Ice Hotel with the excitement that tickles your stomach, and immediately swooned at the magic of it all when we approached. It glowed like a fantasy land that we had golden tickets to visit. Eighty-five others had golden tickets as well, but the moment was solitary, and it was like walking into our own private dream.

All guests are required to attend a mandatory information session on staying at the hotel. We scoffed at this a bit, but my friends Nicole and PJ who had stayed at there just two weeks before insisted. “You need to go, or you’ll never figure out how to get into your sleeping bag.”

I still didn’t believe them, because I have at times, slept in sleeping bags more often than a proper bed in many uncomfortable places around the world. Usually while breathing in a suffocating mosquito net lazily hung from some tree or rafter. But, this was the ice hotel after all, and I had hypothermia worries eating away at me.

The info session ended up being quite comical and involved a staff person reminding us not to place dentures on the bedside ice table, or she would be forced to come by in the morning with a hair dryer to remove them. Anything wet will freeze to the surface, and every surface is ice. So, wet bikinis, towels, dentures and the like had to be kept in the lockers in the Celsius area.

We were advised to change into the dry socks for sleeping that we didn’t bring. And by the wide eyed response of everyone else, they hadn’t either. Cotton was a danger zone due to sweating and freezing, we received the  memo on that one. Toques and gloves as sleep gear were also advised (Kim braved the night without either).

Sleeping bags would be delivered to our room along with the polypropelene sausage casing-liners that we had to crawl into first. If one had to pee in the night, the sleeping bags could be unzipped at the bottom so you could shuffle like a worm to the Celsius lounge.  Logs would be delivered to the rooms with fireplaces and would be lit at 10. I felt hope in the fire.

Informed, we poured ourselves some French wine and went for another wander to see the hotel’s  transition into night. We took a run at the slide in the middle of the hotel, which is designed for slippery pants, not the type I had on which left me feeling more like an adhesive bandage…with an anxious 6-year-old ready to ram me from behind.

Outside the stars studded the sky, and there was an enormous peace felt in the presence of the hotel and the isolation it offered. The chapel with the stretched out caribou skins on ice pews bled romance in the buttery light. The ice bar (with throbbing music, ambient fireplaces and a moody blue and lime hue) offered a great space to exchange stories with other guests prompted by the question, “So, what made you decide to come here?”

The hot tub area had three tubs and a tiny sauna that looked much like an over-sized whiskey keg.  I think Kim and I spent three hours there absorbing as much of the 100 degree temps as we could. I’ve never experienced a night more still. Most of the hotel was asleep by 2, but we carried on with the engaging and hilarious conversation of another Toronto couple, Amy and Evan.

Around 3:30 we decided it was time to brave our sleeping quarters. Our bones were now radiating heat from the hot tub and dry-off period in the sauna.

Kim stoked our fire to a five-alarm blaze inside the glass. Our room was a beautiful collision of fire and ice. It was a moment that rooted itself deep inside my mind. It was a moment as significant as walking into the depths of a Central American rainforest for the first time. As grand as banging along the vast stretches of savannah in Masai Mara in a hot-box of a Land Rover in Kenya looking for lions. It was the thumping heart of seeing my first blue footed booby in the Galapagos Islands. It was the kind of moment that made me feel so alive and grateful, stunned and awestruck by where we can find ourselves in life.

We slept like babes in arms. When we awoke, snow was actually falling inside our room through the opening in the ceiling where the fireplace vent poked out. We did it. We survived the night in a hotel made entirely of ice.

We all have the ability to live our dreams out loud. Staying in the Ice Hotel was our dream. I realize it’s not an experience that many are eager to have, but, what’s yours? Next on our list are the orbs suspended in the skyscraper-sized trees of Coquitlam on Vancouver Island.

Where do you want to sleep?

Book your night at the Hotel de Glace here– 

www.icehotel-canada.com *open until March 20th, 2011